everything

if anything was any different from now,

i would wish for this.

with you.

a

king

a king, the feeling you have made me into,
an empire i shall build for you.

a

"one": inspired by a conversation with yasmin ahmad

like how one simple song can transform moods,
how one common word can trigger many emotions,
how one single thought item can generate a plethora of ideas;
it only takes one person to inspire thousands.

rest in peace, yasmin.
(1958-2009)
...and we just hold on.

a

200709

life as you know it keeps on intensifying, but yet
i still seek for the possibility that's disappearing, coz at
zero-gravity when i'm with you is still one of the best
things, i've ever had.





a

realisation

initially my days with or without you were thought to be irrelevant,
thoughts at first seemed insignificant,
but now i quickly realise the real, the unconquerable and the unbeatable

- that i'm only in denial.

a

collision

ideally, should two minds collide, energy is exchanged and therefore change should be inevitable.

when the emotions of two individuals sum up into one, a new distinct emotion should come into being.

so only when there's collision that causes fusion involving the mind and emotions between two individuals, we'll start encountering the process of immortalisation that we all instinctively seek.

a

lovers' equilibrium

a

journal entry #98

i'm here and you're there. and our heads are everywhere. and this is beyond repair - because about us, i don't think nature cares.

but we can't really let go. we're dangerously enjoying the ride, though. just going wherever, to whatever direction it flows.

so leave, and i'll leave. but can we really?

a

experience

"...life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on..."
samuel butler

a

as zero hour amplifies reasons

a

melodic words: part three

"and how in the world did you come / to be such a lazy love?"

sleeping? / glen hansard

"there's no point trying to fight it / when your mind's made up.
so, if you ever want something / and you call / then i'll come running."
when your mind's made up / glen hansard

transitions

a few times in our lives, we encounter moments where significant life changing decisions will have to be made. whether it be out of a mind-boggling dilemma, or something that you don't have to think twice about, these are times of meeting with life's turning points. points where it would set a new tangent in your journey, whether the unknown outcome be for the worse or better. this thought process while we experience these life-changing phases is part of our journey's transition: a psychological limbo.

of course, whatever decision we make is always based on a positive outcome, but because the human evolutional state is not as advanced as we'd like it to be, there is going to be an extent of uncertainty that comes along with going into a new place. this transitional period involving the mind moving at no less than 1000km/hr, usually contains a designer-drug-like concoction of emotions: some exciting, some motivating, with a touch of leftover feeling of the current life thats about to be history, and that occasional anxiety of entering something that may be of unfamiliar territory.

that said, we're not filing this under anything adverse, or even anything good for that matter. we're just acknowledging it of it's existence. this psychological 'waiting time' usually feels seemingly empty but the brain probably subconsciously rides through this period reflecting on the recent past, and preparing itself of the relatively unknown near-future - thus explaining the possible unfamiliar behaviours, emotions and thoughts during the transition.

we feel it, we can't avoid it, we go through it. but how do we handle it? i say, embrace this exciting transitional state-of-mind while it lasts, and congratulations on your decision.

a

lost for words

and i really don't know what to feel right now

because you're not here

and our words are reduced to mere static noises

what piano sonata should i write to hear you sing

for my strums on the guitar are wearing thin,

because as long as the music is not heard

my universe would be without words.

a

let the breeze in

a

melodic words: part two

"oily marks appear on walls where pleasure moments hung before"
hide and seek / imogen heap



"thank god for mom and dad for sticking two together 'cause we don't know how"
hey ya / outkast



"i am covered in skin, no one gets to come in"
colorblind / counting crows

box: a manifesto

i've always been fascinated with the age-old concept of 'thinking outside the box'. more often than not, this mentality has been responsible for bringing out the freshest, the most innovative and the revolutionary. getting outside the comfort zone had been the (almost sure-shot) solution to challenge oneself.

all is well, BUT, of course, the problem now is, we live in a modern world where 'strive to be different' has become such a norm to the point of cliche. 'avant garde' is becoming as common as sex on valentine's day. suddenly, it's not so special anymore. suddenly, everyone seems to be thinking outside the box.

so how do keep ourselves hovered in a world of heavy air traffic? how do we stand out in a pallette of bright colours? we should always get inspired by the difficult, but when everything else has become too easy, how do we challenge ourselves in a place where 'comfort' has already been residing outside the common 'zone'?

welcome: the box - the very thing that we've been reared to get out of. the psychology of true innovation in the brave new world now is back in the box. where competition is high in that space outside the box, the real challenge now is to be inside the box and still giving those ideals outside a run for their money.

the theory is simple: 'avant garde' and 'different' has always had the cool factor, but has a history of alienating the mainstream. the ultimate idealogy now then lies in developing the same avant garde BUT at the same time preserving mass wide appreciation at most if not, all levels. this is the very concept of staying inside the box while competing with people outside the box, and if you can succeed doing this, you've just pushed the boundaries to another whole dimension, for yourself and everything else associated with it.

'thinking outside the box' is easy enough these days. it's achieving what's outside the box while being 'inside' and having all this limitations, is the new real challenge.

a

sometimes (rules don't apply)

sometimes some places and some people have ways of making you feel guilty. it's as if there's this non-existent box with a strict unwritten law about something that isn't actually unnecessary, nor does it have a logical reason behind it - and sooner or later you start to question yourself whether you should be doing it - when all this while you have been and everything's ok.

rules are important, limitations are there for a reason, but when something needs to be done and only results matter, superficial restrictions should be do without. with the karma-proof approach of 'as long as no harm is done' is in place, everything else shouldn't matter. sometimes over-detailing takes some magic off the beauty of the bigger picture.

so why stop when you're on a roll? so why not repeat when we know it has worked before? and what's wrong with not worrying when it's for our own contentment? sometimes, some things just has to be done.

a

connecting you now

whether we like or not, agree or disagree, or even realise it or not, we, recently in the past decade or so especially, have been connected to a lot more information, people as well as ideals in this new era of technological fuckery, than ever. everything is embedded with this notion of being in the future perfect world where there's only one language, style and taste. true enough, but we're achieving it with the most damaging problem solving medium man has ever created: electronically.

this security blanket of 'needing to feel connected' that us humans have started to just recently depend on just turned into addiction. we slowly find ourselves taking it as a life and death matter to make sure we read our favourite blogs every morning while having our morning soy cafe lattes, while 5 years ago, we probably didnt even care for people in the world who drink coffee with soy milk.

from gossip bloggers to online gamers, from online shopaholics to facebook addicts, and from movie leechers to music pirates, chances are we now belong to at least one of these categories, if not all (!).

i know, there are one or two good things that we can only do now because of the internet, but most of the time we fail to acknowledge that some abuse that we do on daily basis is slowly going into a grey area. i can definitely sit here for another hour or so, just rambling randomly away and try to argue what's wrong and what's right, but in the end i'm not a caped crusador and you're not gotham city, so nobody really cares if that new Bloc Party album is being downloaded for free 'illegally' (unless of course you were personally involved in the making of it, but hey that's another entirely different blog post altogether).

so really, if we ourselves don't care if we're fast becoming a breed of internet junkies, who would? well, from the googalisation of modern society (have you seen streetView? that shit is cool) that we've seen in the past few years, my best bet would probably be the pandora's box that is the internet herself. i mean look at me: im posting my dissatisfaction about the very medium i'm writing on right now. this is beyond irony - this is sheer mind fuck.

so if you please excuse me, i'm gonna go google myself while waiting for that new tarantino movie download to finish. oh, and please, all i need to be 'connected' to the world everyday is a mug of long black coffee with 2 sugars in the morning. kanye west's blog comes second, ok?

a

money

02:55 "...you don't care about money because you've always had it."
the aviator (2004)

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the sun is out and i'm hearing your song on the radio

"what could be better than right this minute" is the question i find myself asking this morning. just 12 hours ago we were on a different vibe entirely - we talked of how your life direction isn't going where you planned it to go, and how we were trying to figure you out a way out of this lifestyle that you're "beginning to outgrow". just hold on, i said. when you've exhausted all possible solutions and you have done all you can within your reach to make everything better, sometimes you should just pause, sit back, and just wait. and this morning your song played on the radio. yes, after 5 years of seemingly useless persistence, patience, good and bad times, emotional rollercoasters, this morning together we finally heard you on the radio for the first time.

i can only imagine how it's feeling for you. i'm feeling like i'm at the top of the world right now for you and i guess what's going on in your head right now is maybe even trickling into a different universe right now! right now i see this girl twirling with euphoric excitement in the living room, turning up the radio, frantically texting her friends, and then trying to come to terms with this reality, forcing herself to wake up from a lazy saturday morning daze with her usual espresso and cigarettes. you are oh-so-human.

what a switch of emotions from last night! such turns of events seem sudden, but if you look at it from a wider angle, it was all going to go through anyway. sometimes we've got to understand - that wait, that gap, that gray space, that time of uncertainty, is part of the process as well. at times the result may be negative, other times glorious; but regardless of what it is, we should sometimes let time play a part as well.

"just hold on" were the words that took us through this and these same words will take myself endure my own trying times. i thank you for letting me on this inspiring emotional rollercoaster ride with you. we'll see what comes after this, because after the wait, comes the next chapter.

a